Module 3, Video 1: He Needs To Be Challenged

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Hey my friend, welcome back to this lesson in the feminine attraction system. How are you feeling so far? How do you feel about what you've learned in module one, module two? Module two, the one that you put right before this, you should understand very clearly that he needs to come to you. He comes to you when he's attracted, right? When he's interested, when he sees a moving object, you should be moving, doing your thing. Um, and and if he's interested, he comes to you. Remember, we don't want men that aren't interested in us. You want a man that wants you, you want a man that likes you, and if he likes you, he's coming towards you. If he's not coming towards you, he doesn't like you. Um, I think this is a misconception that we don't we don't talk about a lot. So if he is coming to you, the next stage and he and he asks you for a number, you guys start talking, you guys um see each other. The next phase in the feminine attraction system, right, that I talked about in the first, in the very, very, very first module, um, the three stages are uh physical attraction um and physical attraction, um, emotional connection and bonding. It's the ABCs, although it's not in that order, right? A, C, B, but still, it doesn't matter. I I call it the ABCs. And this stage we're talking about emotional connection. So if the first, if in the first um, the first stage in feminine attraction, you're getting him to come to you, stage number two, emotional connection, is now that he's here, what you're getting him to do is keep on coming back. So he'll come and then you'll leave, and then he'll come and then he'll leave. He's still gonna be coming to you, right? The the goal is having him come back, but when he comes back, you guys are connecting. You're not just staying surface, you're getting deep. In other words, when you're going deep, you're getting to his heart. So if again, if the first stage is attraction, getting him to come over here, the second stage of emotional connection is getting him to keep on coming back, him wanting to come back on his own volition, and him connecting to you and going deep. So we're not staying surface. It's not just physical attraction, it's not just like just the hey, how are you? What's no, it's like knowing you, going deep. And you're gonna be activating and getting him, getting in his heart so that he touches his emotions. Emotions makes him get close to you, want what makes him want to um makes him like you, makes him start falling in love with you. It makes him get out of surface and it makes him go deep. Why is this important? Because anybody can be physically attracted to anybody. I I say this jokingly all the time to my clients. Um, I can find the the Starbucks barista attractive. I can be attracted to my UPS driver, to the to the postmates guy. I can be attracted to, did I say UPS driver? It was it, did I just say that? I don't even you guys it's Friday. It's it I'll be all right. Um I can be attracted to anybody, anybody, my neighbor, my pastor, anybody. It's just like they're handsome, they're good looking. Physical attraction is surface, it's nothing. It's just you see them and you see exterior. You can be attracted to anybody, and that doesn't mean anything, especially to a man. Men are attracted to everything. Men are just beautiful in that way. They think they love beautiful things. We I this is what I always tell my clients. Women like making things beautiful, men like beautiful things, men like keeping them, being around them, getting close to them, looking at them. Um, and so just because he thinks you're beautiful fit on the outside, he can just stay on the outside, and that does not mean he is going in his heart and he's gonna like you. He could think you're you're pretty, he could like your body, he can um like just staring at you from far away, he can like just being your friend. That is external, that is just top-level um physical attraction. That is the first and first and foremost step. Why is the first physical attraction part important and and and necessary to the emotional connection? Because that's what gets them to come over. Men are visual creatures, they love beautiful things. Men like looking at beautiful, they are so visual, they like looking at beautiful things, they like enjoying them, they like having them, they just want to look, look, look, look, look. Um, and there's nothing wrong with that. Everybody does, but men more so. And so he needs that physical attraction. And when he has that physical attraction, he'll want to keep looking at it and and um go near you if he wants to know more, right? If he wants to spend time with that physical attraction that he that thing that he's physically attracted to, if he wants to know more, right? But then even though he comes over and you guys start going on dates um and get in each other's lives, he can still stay surface and and because all he wants is the physical, the beauty, the body, the the benefits of the external friendship. But the point is to see, do you want, does does is he gonna go deeper? Does he want you for more than that? And there's lots of things that are going on in the emotional connection stage that will make him decide whether he wants to do more than that, whether he wants to go deeper and just not stay surface, right? So this is the important stage where you're tapping into his heart, not just being in his head. Um, and in this stage, you are definitely going to be continuing to create curiosity, interest, welcome, happiness, feeling good with you, right? So dopamine is happening, testosterone is happening in his body, right? If he's interested and he's attracted, he's gonna want to keep on coming back. He's gonna keep on calling, he's gonna keep on texting. Um, and but the point of this stage, and this is like the entire dating stage, um, he is building um what's called vasopressin, which means you guys are bonding together and he's get and he's going deeper with you. Bonding is um the last stage that I'll be talking about a lot. I'm gonna bring it up here because there is, he is creating vasopressin in this stage, but I want you to look at it and think about it more um this stage as the staircase. So the feminine feminine attraction um system is like a staircase, meaning um you are the woman that's on top of the staircase, okay? And if you're on top of the staircase, it work it starts with him getting to the bottom of the staircase, right? That's stage one, okay? He gets to the bottom because he's like, I see her, whoa, something's I like something about her. Let me come over and ask her out. He doesn't have to um to ask you out, he doesn't have to get to the top. To get close to you, he has to get to the top. For him to like you and and for you to activate his heart, and the only way to get him to go up is to activate his heart, okay? So, and that and what that means is he has to exert effort, he has to want to go up. It requires work, it requires time, it requires energy on his part. It's gonna require his resources. So if you look at this stage um as a staircase, you're on the top, he's at the bottom, and he has to get up there. Emotional connection is, is, works with time, it works with effort, and it works with standards. So you need to activate in him, and he needs to know that in order for him to get to you, to get to your heart, to get to your to get more of your time, to get your attention on him, to gain his, to gain um your respect, to gain your commitment, and to gain your physical body, it requires for him to put in time, effort, and raise his standards and want to meet your standards. The way that you do that is to challenge him. Okay. So if the first module you see that it's called he needs a chase, he needs to chase. This one is he needs a challenge. The staircase is challenging, it's a steep one. I I want you to consider that feminine attraction is a steep staircase. It's not this like long, little easy, like I just walk across. Masculine women, um, insecure women, fearful women, and uh insecure women, those women have a don't even have staircase, honey. They got they got one little step and it's like this big. Feminine women, we have our standards are high. We have high value. We have a we have standards and value that for us, we're not gonna connect to a guy unless he meets certain requirements and and we have a certain idea of a relationship that we want. And because of that, we don't just date anybody, we don't just get close, you're not gonna get close to me until I see that you are putting in effort. Not because we're trying to play them. This is nothing to do with manipulation. This has nothing to do with I'm gonna make him work hard for me. This has nothing to do with power or control. You, by definition, come off as very in control, but it's never demanding. It's really you're you're literally the cool girl. Um, I have this um download called um, I think it's called the cool girl. It's a free download. And this is the woman that every man wants. And it's when I say cool, it's not like um, oh, she's just like, she's just so cool. It's not that. It's actually this energy that you put off that women put off. Um, it's this very confident, like I'm I'm cool either way. Like it's like it's called, I call it the with or without too cool girl energy. It's I'm cool whether you're here and I'm really great whether you're not here. Like the only way that you're coming into my life is if you make my life better. But in order for me to know that, I want to see that you have what it takes to meet my standards. I'm not dropping them, I'm not going down the stairs, I'm not, I'm I'm keeping them up here. I'm gonna verbalize them to you, not all at once. I don't need to talk about it really quickly. But if you want to get close to me, you're gonna have to put in time. It takes time for me to for me to um like you. It means that you have to put in effort and it means you have to get reach my standards, and my standards are high. I'm not gonna drop them. I don't settle, I don't um uh um uh what's oh my god, I'm I lost the word. Basically, you're not going to um change your standards. Um you're not for anybody, right? If if, for example, for me, um I'm a Christian woman, I'm not having sex till I get married. That's just my one of my standards. It's really high. Um, one of my other standards is I want a man that's that's spiritual, that loves God, that puts Jesus Christ first in his life. One of my standards. If I meet you and you're like an atheist, not even getting my attention. I'm I'm actually scared of you. I'm actually like, I made a disciple to you. I'm gonna like pray over you and stuff, but you're not a man that can be with me because a man that that that it that I consider material to marry um needs to love Jesus, um, brings me closer to God, doesn't make me sin. Um, and so if you are an atheist, agnostic, or anything like that, like whenever I look on the dating apps, I'm like swipe, swipe left, swipe left. I won't even consider you. I delete you if you write me a message and you're atheist, agnostic, or you don't even have it on your profile, what your spirituality is. If you don't even write it, you're getting written off. Um, and so my standards are just in my spiritual department, are pretty high. Um, and by high I mean I'm not changing them. That some guys are like, that's are you kidding? That's easy. I'm I'm Christian, I love God, I pray, I read the Bible and all these things. So there's those are standards, never dropping them. If I meet you and you're like, oh no, I church is dumb. You if you ask me out, nope, because you're gonna hurt me now. I look at you like you're you're contaminating. I'm gonna get you're broken, I'm gonna get broken. Broken things break people, okay? Break other people. I always look at people that, um, and again, no judgment if you're not spiritual or religious, but a man that isn't doesn't have God in his life because that's such an important thing for me. It's a standard of mine and a big, big value. Um, I look at him as he doesn't have authority, he doesn't have something that he um has checking him, like accountability, responsibility. Um, I want a man whose authority is Jesus Christ, who um he lives by the tenets of the Bible, and um Jesus makes you whole, Jesus heals you. So I know he's not crazy broken. Even if he has like inefficiencies, he's always getting better because Jesus is always making you better. So that's why I choose men that um that are aligned with my faith, especially because God says don't be unequally yoked, but that's a standard I'm not dropping, right? So any guy that comes to me and he's at the bottom of the stairs and I'm like, he's cute, he looks successful, he's tall, all whatever. If he's like, hey, can I take you out and I'm up here, again, it's not I'm above you, below you, it's not that. I just want you to see that the effort, right? Um, and I I'm like, okay, well, I'm gonna get to know him at the beginning, and with time I'll get to know him, right? Um, it's one of the first questions I ask a man if if he's spiritual, religious, has faith. Um, if he does, which one? Because I won't date a Muslim, I won't date a Catholic, I won't date, you know, a Mormon or a Jewish person. We're just not aligned. I'm not gonna see you in the hereafter. I want you to go to eternity. Um, I hope to see you in my mansion. And I don't know if that's gonna be the case, if I'm gonna see him there, but um, I want somebody that's gonna keep me and encourage me and make me better here on earth. And so, right? It's it's it's it's it that's really important. So, challenge and the way that he's challenged is is you don't just um spend a lot of time with him. You're not gonna get close to him, you're not gonna give him here's let me read you my notes so we can kind of get back get into the specifics. I'm gonna be looking this way. So I'm sorry, um, uh, I probably should move my laptop a little bit over here because I moved my table. Um, that way it's not in the way now. You probably see that the video is different. So I'm gonna read you the basics of this, of this, of this um particular module and lesson. Um, but in this one, he needs a challenge. The question I want you to always keep top of mind, is he being challenged? Is he being challenged? If it's easy, ladies, he's you're easy. That's how he sees it. If this, he's like, this is easy for me to just date her, in the sense that he's getting what he wants very quickly, not good. I this is a question I want you to keep top of mind the entire time that you're in this stage with a guy. Is he being challenged? In other words, am I making it way too easy for for him to get my time, for him to get my attention, for him to get my emotions, my heart, for him to get my respect, for him to get my trust, for him to get my commitment, and for him to get my body, my physical intimacy. Okay, these are these are the top things that you're I have them in the notes in the cheat sheet below. So you're gonna notice that these are the top, the top thing that you're always thinking. Why? Men want the thrill of the chase. They need this is how men fall in love, ladies. This is different than you. You, we want easy from a guy. A man needs hard from you. It's we're we're wired differently, ladies. This is just how men fall in love. And this is that you're doing it, this is the way that a feminine woman does it. A woman that's in her masculine, she's controlling it, she's calling the shots, she's making it very easy. You're being needy and you're and you're having sex on the first night and all these things. This is not the way feminine women do it, okay? So I'm gonna read it to you. The top things to keep, um, the the the main things to keep top of mind in this in this um stage is he needs to be challenged and he needs to give his time, his effort, and he needs to meet your standards, okay? Um, so he needs to give his um, he needs to spend time with you in order to get close to you. He needs to give his effort. So this is mental effort. He has to think of things, he has to plan things, his um emotional effort, he needs to give of his of himself in order to get to you. You're not just like, like he's not, he doesn't give any of his emotional connection or his vulnerability or his or his affection and things like that, right? He needs to give that to you. Um, he needs to give you his time, um, like physical attention, right? And spend time with you. It's not just like texting and and and phone calls and things like that. Um, and so it this is again the overall thought I want you to think of is men are men fall in love by giving, women fall in love by receiving. We receive attention and affection and care and support and conversation and help and and just all these beautiful things. That's not how guys fall in love. Guys fall in love by by them having to give that to you, and they give that to you by you having your standards really high and them having to raise up that feminine staircase and have to give their time, their effort, and meet your standards, right? Their mental, they have to give their mental effort, their emotional effort, their ideas, their vision, their planning, right? Um, their strategy, their support, their help, their physical strength, anything like that. But it takes time. And um what they're getting in exchange is they're going to earn your attention, your time. They're gonna earn your physical closeness. So at first, we're I'm gonna talk about creating space. So they're gonna earn your um physical closeness. Right now, they're going up, they're not even like notice that they're not getting close to you yet, right? You have to keep that at bay. Do not get physically close to him yet. Otherwise, I'm gonna explain why why this is important. It's not because you're trying to, it's not because you don't want to. We all want to. Every especially if you like a guy and you're attracted to him. The point is that if you do, it kicks your brain offline, it kicks your amygdala offline, your threat, your threat detector system, and it doesn't let you see him for who he is. It doesn't, you start getting, you start liking him and you start trusting him. Um, it's a false sense of like and a false sense of trust if you do it too soon. Um, you like him and you trust him, and now all your logic goes offline and you can't use this strategy. I'm telling you, the women that work with me and they know this, um, it's this is probably the hardest part because when we like somebody, we want to get physically close, it just it makes you want to kiss them and hug them and and be intimate. I get it. But when you do that, it it creates so much oxytocin in your body. You creates that bonding love hormone. Oxytocin kicks your brain offline, it kicks your threat detector system offline. You can't see red flags, you can't judge him for compatibility and chemistry, you start trusting him too much, and you don't and you start falling in love too much. Can't do that too early. You can't. You have to judge him logically, and that happens over time. And if you already fall in love with him on date one, it's over. You can't, you won't be able to um judge him with logic and emotion. Okay. This is the biggest strategy. I'm gonna talk to you about that, about that defense system that you need to um uh put into your to your dating um in module five, the never to do list. This is one of the biggest ones. Um, it's hard. It's hard, it's hard, it's hard. It sex has been very um casualized. Is that a word? Sex is casualized. I don't know if it's a word. I make up words, just so you know. Um, it's been made to believe you've been taught that sex is something that is neither here nor there, that it's just this casual thing that you can give away. It's not. Um, when you bond, when you have sex with somebody, your spirits blend together and you connect in a way that when you guys rip apart, it messes you up a little bit. And then you bring in all their stuff, whatever they're carrying, their trauma, their it's bad, okay? You want to get to know who you're talking with and who you're with before you get physically intimate. You could be connecting to a demon. You don't want that, okay? And I mean that very seriously. Um, so um the reason the effort is there is so that you can get to know him and you learn is he a psychopath or is he a friend? I said that before. It sounds like um like uh it's kind of funny, but really it's not. It's very, very serious. We you do not want to um give trust and love and your body and your spirit to um a stranger. You can't do that. It's it because you start trusting a stranger and you start falling in love with a stranger and you will start doing things for somebody that does not deserve it. They could be crazy, they could be narcissistic, they could be hateful and evil. You don't know that yet. Men, everybody shows their best card up front, including men, including women. We always play our best part up front, right? Interview, there's dates are interviews with cocktails, so you don't want to do that, okay? Um, so the important here, important parts here, he needs to be challenged. Time. He needs time to get you. He needs to put in effort to get you, and he needs to rise to your standards. Eventually, you're gonna make your standards known to him. Um, and but he needs to go up those steps, and it's a while. Patience is your best friend here, ladies. That is the emotion that you need to practice the most here. Um curiosity is great, anticipation is the other one, empowerment is the other one, but patience is the one that you need to focus on the most and be okay with waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. And by waiting, I don't even think it's waiting. It's uh to me, it's a beautiful um think of it like you're it's working. Your feminine attraction system is working. Patience is the thing that you need to feel and remember and use so that you can so you can work your system. Okay. So it's gonna feel you're gonna feel uncomfortable. I promise you it's worth it. It's so worth it. So um he needs to be challenged, he needs to give his time, effort, and he needs to raise his standards. This is a game, guys. And when I say game, is this is this is a really fun challenge for him. Men love women that do this to them. If you give it too easy to him, you you employ the possum effect and you he thinks something is wrong with you. He thinks you're crazy, he thinks you're defective, he thinks you're insecure, he thinks you're um it's just you look really needy and nobody wants an insecure, needy, defective person. Think about the men that do this to you, the ones that just give you everything too quick. It it feels like extra. It feels thirsty, right? No one likes that, man or woman. And if you do like that, we need to check your stuff a little bit, okay? People who like what people that are um securely attached, people healthy, masculine, healthy feminine, don't want somebody that gives it away really quickly, tells you everything really quickly. Space is the biggest thing. So we need to create um patience is the biggest emotion that you're gonna keep top of mind in this in this um stage of the feminine attraction system because patience means that your system. Working and you need to just remember that that if it's when it's working and you're employing that in during this stage, it's you're gonna reap the benefits, it's worth the system. Okay, all right. So I'm gonna read a little bit more. Um, the main um um how you're gonna create space. Oh, that's what I was gonna tell you. Um, one of the main things that we're gonna be doing here is you're gonna be creating space. Um, there's five ways that you're gonna be five types of space that you're gonna be creating with him that make him drive him absolute crazy, make him want you, make him so attracted to you, make him respect you so much, make him think you are so hot, so cool, so different, so unique, uh will never compare you. You're incomparable to all the other women. These five, these five different types of space that you are going to create in this um stage are the things that other women are not doing. And ladies, you don't have to be better than other women, you just have to be different. Most women are being like every other woman, and they are going up to men, giving them their bodies, giving them all their information, giving them their feelings in their heart way too soon. Um, they are making it too easy for guys, and guys are used to this when you just do things differently, even a little bit. But I'm asking you here with the feminine attraction system, you're gonna be doing things actually quite different than what you're doing. You're gonna stand out so much. That pattern interrupt for him is going to drive him so crazy in a good way, and you are gonna stand out like this beautiful diamond that you are, and it's going to make you be so attractive to him. Trust me, okay? So um, I'm gonna talk about the five the five ways that you're gonna create space, and this is that space of the of the ladder that you're gonna be creating, okay? Um, it's gonna make him have to create his time, effort, and energy um and standards. I'm sorry, read your standards. So I'm gonna read a little bit, and then I am going to and then I'm gonna go over the main point of the cheat sheet. So, right now, forgive me for looking this way. I love you, I'm still here, okay? He needs a challenge. If if stage one is he needs to chase to come to you, this stage is to get him to continue to keep coming back and to go deeper with you. This stage of emotional connection means not just staying on the surface, like I said, right? This is not just about him having a man that is interested in you physically or the exterior attraction. Some men, this is all they want from you. How do you know if he just wants you for physical pleasure? Because that's what he uses. This is what gives him pleasure. It's what he's interested in, and it's what you give him or he talks you into. I'm gonna say this again because I think this is such an important point. How do you know that he just wants you for physical pleasure? How do you know that he just wants to stay surface with you? How do you know that he doesn't want you for anything more than a than a physical booty call, just use you for your for your body, okay? How do you know? Because this is all he's getting from you. This is this is all he's interested in, and this is what you, if you notice, this is all you guys are using. This is all he's getting in you. This is all you're giving to him, and this is what he talks you into and what you allow. If you allow this, this is what you're gonna get, okay? And he's not gonna go deep with you. This looks like only texting, talking to him on the phone, last-minute booty calls, sex, and only staying surface in terms of what he gives you in terms of information about himself. Just talking in his head, no going down in his heart, in his body. Um, he doesn't make his emotions available to you. He doesn't allow himself to connect to you. This is what we call emotional unavailability. When a man doesn't make his emotions available to you, closes off, just stays surface, or he doesn't even know how to make his emotions available to you because he's not emotionally mature, he's not, doesn't have high EQ, he's not self-aware, he doesn't understand women, he doesn't understand himself, he has a lot of trauma. These are men that are emotionally unavailable or choosing to not make his emotions available and he just stays surface. Men know how to do this, men know how to not get close to you, they know how to keep it surface, and this is how they do it. They just text you, they just talk to you, they don't see you, they just are with you for physical sex. Men have the ability to have sex with you and not engage their emotions whatsoever. They're very different than us. Women are not like that. Women are not like that. A majority of women, when you have sex, you start the fall, you start falling in love. If not, you fall in love from having sex. It creates the bonding hormone, oxytocin. It will shoot you up with oxytocin and you just start trusting him and you start falling in love. And this is very, very dangerous, okay? He men are not like that, so they can stay surface with you, okay? Um, so guys, um, when you guys are just surface, these are signs that he's just staying surface and doesn't want more than you, more with you, okay? He's not allowing his emotions to be available for you to access, and he's not allowing himself to share anything that would allow you to get to know him so that he doesn't feel vulnerable and he becomes attached to you, okay? Um, vulnerability is like the essence of falling in love. It's opening your heart, it's showing parts of you, it's sharing stories, it's sharing what you want so that people can use that to help give you what you want so that you guys can connect. When a guy doesn't want to fall in love, he's not gonna tell you what he wants. He's not gonna tell you his deep dreams and his private stuff that he needs from you because you're gonna use it, he's gonna become attached and connected, and now he's you got it, he's got he's got something to lose there, right? So guys um that don't want to be physically connected to you and don't and just want to stay surface, they're not gonna go deep, right? But this is the point of emotional connection of this stage. Um, he stays surface and superficial, no proper dates, no sharing his deep personal information or stories, no extra effort from him. He stays low effort, no emotions, no chasing, no um, he just takes from you and he stays surface. This is how you know that um you guys are not going deeper, okay? Um, but in order for this to, so in order for this to happen, in order for you to to get him to keep on coming back and to go deep and to connect with you, right? Um, in order for this to happen, you must still be getting his attention, his interest, and him being attracted to you, which means he needs to be getting dopamine hits whenever he's with you, doing fun things that he likes that feel really great. He needs to be getting testosterone in his system, which means that he's attracted to you, that he feels good, that he wants to move towards you. Attraction means testosterone. Testosterone means running forward towards you, okay? That those are getting produced still. So if you like him and want to go deep with him and want to connect with him, how do you do it? You must make it known and very clearly that in order for him to go deeper with you, in order for him to access your attention, spend time with you, learn your personal life details and stories. So you're not just being private, you're actually letting him in and knowing things about you. Gain your trust, gain your respect, gain your love, gain your commitment, and gain your physical intimacy. He must earn it. You're not gonna say it on the first date and say, in order for you to get me, you I need to, in order for you to get my trust and my intention, no, no, no, no. At first, he's a stranger, he's a friend. We're taking our time here. But once you start seeing that you do like him and he is somebody that you care about, you're gonna make it very clear that in order to keep on seeing you, you want to know his intentions, you're gonna want to know what he wants, what he's into, what you're gonna have to, um, he's gonna have to go deeper with you, and he has to put in time and effort. And you're gonna take your time. You're it's like you're not gonna get sex soon. Why? Because I'm not gonna fall in love with you because you could be a psychopath, right? All right. Um, he must earn time, effort, meeting your standards. That's the only way he gets to you, okay. This is extremely valuable. Your time, your attention, um, your personal life and information about you, your trust, your respect, your love, your commitment, and your body, these are really, really valuable. You need to believe this with every cell in your body. If you don't believe that time with you, him spending time with you is so valuable. If you don't believe that inform him learning information about you is valuable, if you don't believe that him getting physically close to you, right, even in proximity, if he doesn't believe, if you I'm sorry, if you don't believe that um knowing more about you, knowing stories, knowing intimate things about you is valuable, if you don't believe that your love, your respect, your trust, your commitment, your um physical body is valuable, then this will not work. You have to believe this to the deepest part of you. I believe it so much that I mean, I it takes so much for a guy to get my attention. I'm just like, otherwise, I'm we're friends, we're friends. But for them to gain any of those deeper things about me, get really know way more, because you guys think about this. I'm a public figure. People can find my podcast, my my Instagram, my Pinterest, and you can find me everywhere. I am all over um the interwebs, right? So people get to know a lot about me, but you're not gonna get my heart, my love, my trust, my respect, my commitment, my relationship, physical time with me. You can see my videos, you can look at watch YouTube, hear my voice on the podcast. There's 120-something episodes. You can hear all kinds of stuff, but that doesn't mean that I'm gonna give it to you personally and I'm gonna choose you. It takes time, it takes effort. I want to know who you are first. I have standards that you have to meet in order for me to allow you to even get there, right? You have to believe this about yourself, and when you do believe that, it's you have that, it creates that cool girl energy. Why? Because you're like, my life's amazing. I'm such a great catch. And again, it's not this like conceited, um, cocky, arrogant vibe. It's not, it's a really beautiful um take it or leave it with or without you vibe. In other words, like I walk in everywhere like God sent me there. Um everything's on purpose. I'm really happy when I'm there. Um, when people come around me, I make them better. Anybody that comes around me, you're gonna have a great time. I'm gonna teach you things, I'm gonna make you feel so good about yourself. You're gonna, you're gonna be better just from being in my life. And because of that, and and that happens because I am, I believe in transformational relationships, not transactional ones. Um, and this is what you will be doing if you're um, you can learn more about that in my other coaching program. But um, when people are with me, they're getting a lot. And and because I'm a giver, I'm a server, I love you, but you're not gonna get that until you're a certain kind of a man, especially a man, you're not gonna get that from me. I don't just give it to anybody, right? You invest in me, I invest in you, right? So um you have to believe this about yourself. Um and I want you to just notice if if you don't believe that, if you don't believe that your love is valuable, if that you are valuable, that if a man gets in contact with you, that dang, he's gonna be set. Like when I know that any man who dates me, man, they hit the freaking relationship jackpot. Like, I'm gonna be, I'm such a great girlfriend. I'm gonna be such a great wife because I've learned so much. I am gonna blow a man's mind. So I come across very confident. And and when a man doesn't choose me or want to or like want to be with me, I'm like, I don't care. Like, are you kidding? Like, you just it's like you, it's like you found a lottery ticket, the winning lottery ticket, you walk by and you didn't get it. Like, but it's also it's a two-way street. I have to choose you back, right? I have to I have to decide if I want you back. And there's certain things that you have to meet in order for me to choose you, right? Notice if you don't feel this way about yourself. Um, you are extremely valuable. You are a catch. You are the prize, you are a high-value woman. You're very, very valuable. You are such a great woman that knows how to love a man. You know that the man that earns your love will be loved in return and be treated with so much respect and admiration. That is, that is, um, that is not just given to any man. You want a particular type of relationship, and it takes a certain kind of man that can provide it, right? Um, and because of that, um, you want a loving, loyal man. That's the kind of man you want. And you're looking to see is he loving, is he loyal? Is he masculine? Is he a giver? Is he respectful, right? Well, what kind of man do you want? Everyone's different. I want a certain kind of guy. When I say that, you're probably like, I don't even care about all that. It's great, you don't have to. I the man I want is specifically one a certain type of guy, right? But think about what is it, what kind of man do you want? Um, you want a man that's emotionally available and wants a wife to love and cherish, right? We don't have boyfriends just for fun. We have boyfriends because it leads to committed um fidelity and marriage, right? That's what my program's called, uh, my newsletter is called marriage material. Um, so you have to, you have to see if he is capable of giving you this. And you learn this by watching him and seeing if he's the man that will improve the great life that you already have. Remember, we talked about this in the last module. Are you guys aligned? Can he can he make your life better? Um, one of the first ways is ways to see him come to you and ask you out. Um, one of the first ways to do this was to see him come to you and ask you out and now properly court you. This is the courting phase. This is getting to know him phase, okay? When you see he may be aligned with you, you'll consider getting to know him more, right? And giving more of your time. Um, but um, but remember, you have such a great life, you're busy, you have a lot of things on your calendar. Um, you won't inconvenience yourself for a random person, for a loser, for a liar, for a little boy. He needs to show you who you are. What's in it for me? Who are you? Why should I be bothered to let you in? Show me who you are. And you show me who you are by putting in work and intention and time, right? And effort to get to come to get to know me. And you're and you're not, you don't just give up easy. You're not just like, ah, girl, I called you yesterday, you haven't called me back. I want a guy that's like, hey, I called you this morning and I didn't hear back from you. Are you okay? What's up? Like, I want to see that he has intention. You should be doing the same, okay? Um, you have standards. He must show you that he's serious. He does this by making it clear why you should invest your precious time with him because you have a great life, remember? You have it's really, really amazing. You he you need to make you he needs to make it clear why you should do um give him any more of your life and your time. He must earn your attention, your physical face-to-face time with him. So I want you to think of attention as even getting a text why he should look and respond back. Okay, that's one way of attention. Conversations on the phone, why you should even consider having a phone conversation with him. This is time, right? Why you should um why you should why um he must earn your physical face-to-face time. Where are we going? When? What are we gonna do there? Who's gonna be there? What's the point? Right? And again, these are we're doing this in a very loving way, but it's it's very um, my life's really great. I already have a lot of great things going on. Why should I consider you? Right? Tell me what's in it for me. And he should have answers, not, hey girl, what what do you want to do tonight? Bye. If a guy texts me and says, um, hey, so what do you have planned this weekend? None of your business. I don't know you. I don't, I'm not giving you that information. And again, in a nice way, I'm not gonna say it to him that way, but it's like, I don't know you, I'm not gonna tell you that. Why do you ask? Why? And then they should say, if he's an adult, because I'm interested in seeing you. Oh, that's cool. Oh, have fun. What do you want to do? Where do you want to go? What day? What time? He should have answers for this. He should be planning it. This is effort, this is the effort that he's putting in. He should be knowing he should know what day. I don't know if he's like, I don't know what day you're for what day are you free? I will never forget. I had a man um that I met and we were friends, and I thought we were just friends, and he wanted to go out with me. And he texted me and he said it was so great running into you. Um again, it hadn't been a while, and he said, Um, I would love to take you out to dinner on Friday night at 8 p.m. Are you available? Dinner Friday, 8 p.m., meet you. I was like, I wasn't available, and too bad, like not too bad, because I did want to go out with him, but I'm kind of glad that I wasn't available. Um, because and then I wasn't just like quickly like saying yes. But I you know how great, you know how hot that is for a guy to like take charge and say, I want to see you, I want to take you out to dinner at 8 o'clock on Friday. Attractive, so hot. This is a man who knows what he wants. He asks for it, he's not scared, he's not just like dilly down. So what do you do? Come on, put effort. They have to put in effort. If they ask you to plan it and pick him up and meet him, it's like that's that's a lot, you know. Um, I I am at the school of thought that it's okay if you meet someone somewhere at first because you guys are just friends. But if he's making it very clear that he wants to court you very formally, I there I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But there's also nothing wrong with just starting as friends casually first. But don't confuse casual um friendship, getting to know him with like booty-call low effort stuff. You will be able to see right away what where he is. You'll know this because if he's just staying surface and not talking, like it's a bunch of friends, and and he's not talking, asking you questions to get to know you and wanting to know like who you are. He's just wanting to drink and and party and and dance, and there's no like actual like deeper stuff. Um, he may just want to be just surface, but um, but there's nothing wrong with casually like saying, let's just go out for a coffee first and see if I because I don't even know you, right? Um, especially if you're meeting online. Let's have lunch, let's have dinner, um, let's go to a game, um, let's do things like this. But he's making the plans, things like this is very important, right, guys? Okay. Um he must earn your personal information. Oh my gosh, you guys, sweet. So important. You don't just give your personal information to everybody. You're not telling him the neighborhood you live in. Um, you're not telling him about your childhood trauma, you're not telling him how much money you make and your FICO score and what you're doing next week and every day this week. You're not telling him about um your last relationship and all the details. Leave some things to be desired, okay? Leave it, leave some mystery. He needs to stay curious. If you give him everything, there's nothing for him to learn anymore. He's not gonna need to come back. But you got everything. He's like, I already know it all. Like, you have to leave gaps of information. This builds, this creates space, and this is one of the things that we're gonna talk about. So don't give him all your personal information. Don't share everything, all your details. Don't share every minute of your day on social media on Instagram and say everything you're gonna do, where you're gonna go, who you're gonna be with. Don't do that. Okay. Um, don't share all your dreams and everything. It's like you get to know that as we go, as we get to know each other. Because I'm I'm trying to qualify you. I'm I'm working to get to know you, right? Um, don't tell him all your beliefs, all your thoughts, everything. Leave some things quiet is good, okay. Um, he needs to earn your respect, your trust, your love, your commitment, and your body intimacy. These are these are like the big things that I mean, they're at the top of the staircase, right? Those things you do not tell him that you like him right away. You don't tell him that you're in love with him on a second date, right? Like, oh, I trust you so much. I feel so I don't even know you. You could be a psychopath. Time proof try time earns trust, consistency, support earns trust, right? Um, consistency and self-control, all these things earn trust and respect, okay? Um I said, not to mention your body, this is something I stress um to wait to give him until you're in a committed relationship. I believe this um for many of you, this is gonna be hard. It's the biggest flex, guys, for you to wait. This will build up the vasopressant in him and make him bond to you so much if you wait to have sex with him. It doesn't mean that you don't kiss him, it doesn't mean that you know you don't have small makeouts, whatever, but you wait to have sex. Um, it's it bring it shoots up your value, it shoots up his respect for you. Um, you stand out, you're so different to other women. Remember, just being different, it that's that's a big deal. You want to be unique, you want to be different. Um, all other women are the same. If you bought this, you are different. You are somebody who wants to change. And if you're easy and quick and share everything really quick and you make the move, this is what most women are like. This is what most men are used to. If you just show up just a little bit different than and follow the system as much as you can, you're gonna stand out. But the sex part is so important, okay? Now I'm gonna explain more why. The feminine attraction system is like a staircase. He can reach certain, he can only reach certain levels with you after he spends time with you and invests his head and his heart, meaning his thoughts and his emotions. Okay, he needs to be vulnerable and share that with you and give it to you, right? Um, your love, your trust, your respect, your full commitment, and physical intimacy are at the top of that staircase. Those are those are the biggest things that are there, right? When you don't you don't just get that on the first date. Just because he has a job, you don't get respected, like ultimately. You're gonna respect him as a human being, but as a partner, you don't get. That level of respect until you know more, right? So important. So I want you to think of love, trust, respect, um, commitment, and physical intimacy, effort, time, standards. After the after you see that they meet the things that you want, that's who gets that. So important, ladies. You are the buyer in the relationship and the prize partner to be won. He gets it by overcoming the challenge. Um, um, overcoming the challenge that he loves to experience and that he actually needs in order to fall in love with you. He needs the challenge. This is so important, he needs to be challenged. Um, he will fall in love with a woman that has and sets high standards for him. This is the kind of woman that he loves, respects, and wants by his side forever. This is the woman that a man chooses. You'll see, guys, someone that stands out to me like this is um Cody, Cody Jenner is Brody Jenner. Cody, Brody Jenner. He was a l-ho, okay? Is because that's what people in Hollywood and celebrities and in your 20s, I mean, everybody has their hoe days, right? So, I mean, he was with all the girls, and now the woman that he chose, you should see how beautiful and simple and just quiet and mom and and they have a baby and they got married. The man that women choose, they there's women that they have for fun, and there's women that they have for real, that they have forever. Um, it's a different woman. It's the woman that sits at the top at the type of the at the top of the staircase who practices the feminine attraction system, who doesn't make it easy for them. My friend Rudy, I'll never forget, he told me. Um, I remember I was posting some stuff on Instagram and he always watches my stories. And I said that men fall in love when they need to give and and when they're challenged, not when they receive and when they we make it easy. Um, and he wrote me and he's like, dude, you're like giving them like the cheat code. Like he's like, but listen, I'll be honest, because he's like a really famous uh music producer uh in Hollywood, and he said, The women that I've fallen in love with are the women that that did not give it to me quickly, who had high standards and who made me work to get her time and her attention and her respect and her love and her body. Um, I'm telling you, this is is it this isn't just hyperbole. I'm gonna be interviewing a lot of men on my podcast. If you watch this and you already have listened to my podcast episodes with great, great, great guys, you're gonna hear all men say this. They all agree. The woman that they choose forever is that woman that is sitting at the top of the staircase and doesn't just give it to them easily and quickly. He needs a challenge and he needs to give. He doesn't need it easy and he doesn't want to receive your sex and your body and your gifts and your money. He doesn't respect that. Women want that. That's a woman's way of falling in love, not a man's. This is so important. Okay, I never want you to forget that. All right, um, the courting and dating process, which is the emotional connection phase, is the time that you show him what kind of woman you are, right? You are being yourself. Um, and hopefully yourself is a woman with a high standards that doesn't drop them. Okay, and if you don't have that, I'm telling you that this is the woman that you need to be in order to get him, okay? Um, your actions and your words during the courting process, everything that he sees during this courting process lets you know if you're if you're his wife, if you're gonna be his girlfriend. And if you think that you can just be fun girl and sex girl during the dating process and him choose you, you're sorely mistaken. Don't think that you can just, you're gonna, you're gonna talk him into it later. No. The reverting back to it and actually getting a guy to go back is almost impossible. It's almost impossible. Sometimes there's guys who like have sex on the first night and marry that trick chick. You guys, those stories are the exception. They are not the rule. There's so many people that say, um, we had sex the first night and we still got married. I'm telling you, that's the exception and not the rule. That doesn't happen. There's billions, there's eight billion people in this world. If you hear that from five people in the whole world, that means it's the exception. It doesn't happen. Most men that choose women are the ones that made them work for it, that had high standards, that had high values, that made him better, made him to be better and have that effort. Okay, did I rate that? Uh oh yeah, he'll fall in. You must be a challenge in order for him to understand that you are valuable and something to be acquired with time, effort, and reaching high standards. Think of this as like a game, you guys, like a video game, right? He gets points. There's levels, there is things that he has to do on each level to get to that. Is what dating you will be like. It's not gonna be this game. It's naturally like this. You will see once you start dating this way, you're gonna be like, it's this is so easy. Why didn't I learn this before? Trust me, I feel the same way. I did not learn this until my parties. I wish I would have learned it earlier, but it's never too late, okay? Timing is perfect. The Cordy, okay, we don't do this. Let me move this up. The other fun thing that you get to do here is you get to know him. Remember, you are the bank and you are qualifying him for the loan of you, right? Um, for the highly coveted position. You're qualifying him for the highly coveted position of being your boyfriend. Um, watch him, get to know him, see is this the kind of man that I want in my life? How does he think? How does he dress? How does he speak? How does he speak to me? How does he speak to people? How does he work? What how does he drink? Does he s does he um express himself well? Does he communicate? Is he loving? Is he affectionate? Um, is he respectful? What's his relationship with his family? Does he have friends? Does he have hobbies? What hobbies does he have? What bad habits does he have? Are they tolerable? You are watching him. You want to know that if you invest in him, I I get this analogy of a bank. Let's say he's a guy who has needs a business loan. He has a great business and he needs a business loan, and you are the bank. But he says, Listen, Annabelle, I want a bank. I can go to any bank, but I want a bank that really believes in my business idea, right? He's like, I it's a great idea. I can go to any bank, but I'm coming to you because you seem like you're somebody who's like it's a smaller business bank, and you look like somebody who, like, if I tell you my idea, you're not only you just are you gonna give me the loan because you see my credit and everything, but like you I see you like a business partner almost. Like my the bank that I that I work with is almost like a bit of a bit business partner. So I want to make sure I choose the right bank. And I'm like, yeah, and I want to make sure that you're gonna pay back the loan. I want to make sure that I'm gonna get my interest because this is business, right? I want to make sure, do you have a good FICO? Do you pay your loans on time? What are your references? How long have you worked at your job? Do you have clients already? Do you have money already? Have you earned revenue? There's things that I'm looking at as the as the bank. You're the body, right? It's like you're loaning him. You're you're giving you're spending your life with him, your time with him. Do I want to spend time with him? Am I gonna get something in return? Both people get something in return, and this isn't transactional. Uh masculine energy women, it's like, what am I gonna get? What am I gonna get? This isn't the way feminine women approach relationships. We say, I'm so amazing, everything I touch, I make everybody better. Anybody I touch, I make better, especially a man. I'm gonna, he's gonna be 10 times the man because of me, because I'm gonna support him and encourage him and love him. Because of that, I'm valuable. I hold a lot of value. So whenever he comes to me, he's gonna be multiply. I multiply everything he does. So I'm very valuable. I'm I'm trans, I'm transformational. Anybody who comes in contact with me is gets transformed just from being my friend. That's literally how I feel about myself. So who are you? Are you gonna hurt me? Are you gonna break me? Are you broken and you're gonna hurt me? If you have a glass, if you have a vase that's beautiful and you grab onto it and you hold it tight because you don't want it to fall, it's beautiful. Nothing happens to your hand. But if it's broken, shattered, and you grab onto it this with the same strength that you did the vase, what is it gonna do to your hand? This is broken people. Broken people hurt and break other people. We don't want broken people, but the way we know if somebody's broken or not, if they're healthy, if they're whole, is by spending time with them, right? We want to make sure. So this is really, really important. Um, so yeah, you get to know him. So you're you're watching, you need everything online for you to be watching him during this phase. Um, one of the most important things that um I talk about in the in module five on the the never-to-do list is watch your alcohol intake when you're spending time with somebody. Alcohol is very common to be to consume on dates. Um, I drink, I drink alcohol. I love wine, I love a good wine, um, I love a good mezcal or tequila. So I drink, but I have a two-drink max. I will not drink more than a two-drink max. Two drinks, or sometimes I I'll only drink one, and some dates I'll I won't drink at all. When I want to watch a guy and I want ever I want my whole brain online, alcohol kicks your brain offline. You won't be able to remember things, you won't be able to watch things. It turns your um alcohol kicks off your threat detection system, your amygdala, and it kicks your brain offline. Now you're not there and you can't watch him. So um drinking is really, really important for you to learn about him. If you're somebody who gets drunk tipsy really quick, refrain from drinking. I tell all my clients, one to two drink max, especially if you're teeny tiny, if you're young, right? If you or you don't drink a lot. Make sure you know what you're drinking. Make sure if you need to, I've even gone as far as because I love wine, I'll get a wine spritzer. So they put sparkling water in it so it dilutes it, so it's not as strong. Um, gotta know the hacks, right? Drink the things that aren't as strong. Um, so in the beginning, you're getting to know him. You guys are friends first. This is one of my biggest um uh um cheat codes is friends first, lovers last. We are friends first. I don't know you. I need to see if I would even want to be friends with you, right? And until you tell me where, or until you like ask me if I want to be in a romantic and exclusive relationship, and I get to choose whether I say yes or no, we're friends. And yes, you can see that it's getting romantic, and you guys kiss and you guys express that you like each other, great. But until there is that it moves to that, you're friends, make it very friendly, friend from friend, you're cool, so fun. We're friends. I'm cool with you, I'm cool without you. Like, no pressure. It's like we're friends, it's it's so easy to be with you, right? Um, so friends first, lovers last. Lovers is when you're in a committed, exclusive relationship when they're at the top of the staircase, right? Um, and um you want to get to know him and you want all your all your um uh learning, you need your logic online to to to take note of who he is. Alcohol is a deterrent to that. You will not be able to watch and learn about him. And he wants to know who you are. So in this phase, um you're he's watching you, you're watching him. Um, you guys are um, in order for him to get out of his head and into his heart, feminine women, this is the best thing about feminine women is that this is how we do it. We're able to get a guy from surface to um deep to go deep with us and to build what this is where we connect. You're not connected at the top, you're just surface like you're far away. But the think of it like the close, the down deeper you get, you it's like a it's an inverted triangle. You get closer um and you connect and you bond. So at first you're you're on other ends of a triangle, and then when you become and you're in a relationship, it actually inverts, and I'll talk about that later. But um, so at first you're at like a triangle and you're far apart, but the close the deeper you get and the cl deeper you get him in his heart, and the way um you bond um and you connect close. And so the way that you do this is by um not talking a lot, and not just talking, talking, talking a lot, sweetie, actually makes you fall in love. We bond with information and and conversation. Men do not men do not bond with emotional with conversation. Men bond with experiences, and experiences make him open his heart. He has experiences with you, he does things with you. And when you guys are doing things, then in the doing, you guys are having conversations, you guys are having fun, you guys are just keeping it casual, there's no pressure. That actually allows him to open his heart, and there's things that you guys can talk about during this phase. Um, that when you're when you're being vulnerable and you're sharing things with him, and then you ask him to share things with you, notice if he does or not. If he doesn't, he's not opening his heart. But this requires you to open yours. When you open yours and you tell a story about your past, something you know significant, but nothing too way, way, way too personal. The more we get this as far, you know, when we get to know him more, when he goes up the staircase, he gets to know more about you. At first, he doesn't, right? He gets to earn it. So the more you guys experience things together, um, you guys go deeper and you guys have experiences and experiences um with conversation and you being vulnerable allows him to be vulnerable. Um, and it opens heart. The more he gives, opens his heart. Giving to him, it's I want you to look at it like the deeper he goes, it opens his heart more. And when he has to and when he has to climb the staircase to get to you, it literally like the effort, the challenge, it's like it just opens a man's heart. Him having to give, here's why, because it makes him feel needed, it makes him feel accomplished, it makes him feel successful, it makes him feel like he has a purpose with for something. Wow, my hard work is allowing me pay to pay for this date. My work today at work um is allowing me to now have free time and it allows me to spend time with her. Um, think of his work, translates into his ability to provide and his provision makes you happy. And when you express your happiness and you tell him thank you and you're appreciative, he feels like Superman. And it opens his heart and it allows him to fall in love with you. When he feels appreciated, needed, respected, um, and purposeful and capable, that opens his heart. He can't feel that way unless he gives. He can't give unless you make it a priority to reach you. If you're like, I don't know, we can go to the movies and I'll pay for it. He didn't give anything. He didn't give, he didn't give his mind, he didn't give any effort, he didn't plan it. You paid and then you picked him up. What did he do? He did nothing, he gave no effort. He's down at the bottom. There's like, there's he's not going down and going deep with you. He if he if he didn't give, he didn't go up the staircase, he's not bonding with you, he's not opening his heart. The more he gives, his heart goes. And the more you are appreciative of it and say, Thank you. That was it was so fun. I had really had a great time with you. You make me feel so this, whatever. Um, then it opens up his heart and he falls in love, but he has to give in order to, okay? This is the most important part about this part, and we'll go into it more. Um, in this phase, you in order to go from friends to romantic romantically connected, you want him out of his head and into his heart. You activate his heart by feeling yours and having vulnerable experiences with him. Why? Men fall in love when they can relax, when they can have fun, um, have new experiences with you, and they have to give to a feminine woman. Okay, it's experiences, it's him planning, it's him giving his time, it's him giving his effort, right? When he does this, this opens his heart and he falls in love with you. That staircase, you guys, the feminine staircase is like it's it's the biggest cheat code. Why no one tells us about it sucks. And really honestly, I think the reason our moms and aunts and and friends and nobody taught us is because we just haven't known. We really didn't know that we need to be on, we need to have that feminine staircase and he needs to move up with time, with effort, and reach our standards. And the way he does that is by giving, by giving his time, giving his effort and having to reach and be challenged. This is literally what makes him feel purposeful and needed and capable. You guys, if I had when I get my new account back, hopefully by the time you're watching this, I already have my main Instagram account back. Because I have a lot of DMs from guys that would tell me, yep, yep. I when I when I wrote that post about men need to give in order to fall in love, oh my gosh, my DMs were just like so many men were like, Yes, that's exactly how I feel. They didn't even know how to verbalize it, they didn't know that when they have to give that they fall in love. And it's so cool to put like words to to an experience, but that's what they need. And this is how they fall in love when they have to put in effort, okay? Um, but only feminine women do this. Feminine women are the prize. Feminine women are like, I'm great and I'm I'm a good time, but get up here. But show me what you got. Masculine women don't do this. Scared masculine girls don't do that. They give, they're needy, they're like, what do I have to do? I have to impress them, I have to people please, I have to have sex, I have to pay, I have to plan the date, I have to go meet him. No, don't do it. If you're doing it, just stop, stop doing it. And you could reverse it. Try doing all these steps now and see if we can reverse it, okay? All right. Feminine women are in their bodies and not in their heads. They're focused on their feelings when they're on dates with him. They're focused on opening their heart with the man in order to get to know him. Because remember, in order for him to get to know for you to get to know him, you have to get, you have to share things about you. And we're not showing all this crazy deep information yet, right? We do it with time. But when when women do this, um, when you share things and you share new experiences with them and you make memories with them and you guys do things together, this opens his heart just by doing things with him. A lot of women, what they want to do is you want to have sex, but guys don't bond with sex, not early on. It takes time. They have to build vasopressin receptors. I'm gonna talk about that. So um that this is so important. What ex doing things with him and him having to put in effort, those that is actually what um uh opens his heart and makes him bond with you, right? So um um women, uh, women are the ones that fall in love with like conversation. So when I say get out of your head and in your heart, let me give you an example. If you're always texting him to find out, like women like certainty and we like to plan and we like information. So one of the ways that we want to we fall in love with a man is by knowing his stats. Where does he work? How much money does he make? What's his fight go? Does he is he available? Where does he live? Um, um, how tall is he? He's handsome, um, he has good friends, he comes from a good family, he's Christian. That just stats makes a woman we start romanticizing a guy so quickly, and you start giving him the benefit of the doubt and start liking him before you even know him. Just because he has stats like this, ladies, does not make him a good, loving, loyal man. Crackheads can have these things. A drug addict can have these things, alcoholics can have these things, narcissists know exactly that they know they need to have these things, right? So um unhealthy, immature, insecurely attached people have men have these things. So just because they have a they're handsome, dress nice, have a nice car, have a nice house, have a career, make a lot of money, have a good FICO, go to church, um, say uh have a good family, that does not a good man make. It doesn't. I'm sorry. You have to know more, okay? So um uh spending time with him and um so a lot of women want to ask these questions and we think that because once we know that he has, okay, he's a perfect that's my husband. No, that does not a mat a husband make. So just because you know this information, don't think that that makes that's gonna make him a good partner. We start liking a guy just based on that. That's not what what you like a guy with. A guy doesn't like you, Sudie, just because you're beautiful, just because you have a nice body, just because you have a great job or a great house or a great and make a lot of money and you're really and you have a great education and you have an MBA. Guys, this is not what guys go off of, and this is what women go off of. Um, but you also have to have high standards, right? Um, men see that stuff, and they're like, cool, but I need to I need to know way more. Guys have guys know that they need to go up that the standard staircase, and um, they don't fall in love with you just because of your stats, they don't care. Some women do, and you need to just check yourself in the beginning just because he has all those things, you're like, good. Now I know some main things about him. I need to know more. I need to know how I feel about him. I need to know how I feel when I'm with him. This is why spending time with him, not just texting on the phone, booty calls, when you do experiences with him, how are you feeling when you're with him? Is he leading? Is he making you feel safe? Is he making you feel respected? Is he objectifying you? Is he being kind to people around you? Is he paying? Is he driving? Is he taking charge? Is he is he sharing conversation with you? Does he know how to communicate? Right? Do you guys have things in common? Do you do you know, do you know his plans for the future? These things, when you guys are engaging in conversations like this and you're and you're asking things and making mental checklists about like what kind of man he is, um, that these are the experiences that you need to have with them that should be bringing you closer to him and getting him up the staircase. But time, you need a lot of time. The reason time is such a big factor, ladies, is because time builds vasopressin. Vasopressin needs a lot of time to build. It builds vasopressin receptors in his brain. And vasopressin is present when he's sexually aroused, when he has experiences with you that stress him out in a good way. Conflict, overcoming experiences with you, overcoming um games and fun things or conversations, doing hard things. When he has to do hard things, he builds this hormone called vasopressin. Vasopressin creates vasopressin receptors. Think so, but think of seeds. He's planting a bunch of seeds, and then the next time he gets sexually aroused or he has to do something hard and he overcomes it with you, he doesn't have sex. Sexual arousal with no sex. Um, he needs to build that over time. Vasopressin needs to build over time, and once it builds to a certain amount and over a certain amount of time, or it can it a man can fall in love in as quick as two months, okay, with vasopressin receptors present. And um, when he has time with you, time makes him fall in love. Not just sex. Men need time. So this is why your staircase, you need to remember the more time with him you spend without having sex, where he's where he's having experiences with you, where he's having to give, that makes him bond with you. And that makes him fall in love, and that makes him build vasopressant. So this is why the staircase and time is time is your best friend. It's going to dysregulate you, it's gonna activate you. But I promise you, it's worth it. You need you need time is your best friend because time is what makes him fall in love with you because that's what it takes to build vasopressant and bonding, okay? Um, so the women that just ask a lot of questions, what happened with your ex-wife? How many kids do you have? Like, why did you get that job? And they just, it's more like an interview and it feels like more like an interrogation. This actually will make him defensive. It won't make him open his heart. You have to ask questions in a way that creates his heart to open, and that you ask questions by being vulnerable by opening your heart, not giving him your emotions, not giving him your trust, not giving him your love. It just means that you're being vulnerable and you're sharing a little bit about you, you're getting uncomfortable. When you get uncomfortable and he gets uncomfortable and you guys both get uncomfortable together, it desponds you guys. It builds vasopressin and it makes him open his heart. When your heart's open, his heart's open. Okay. This is what makes a guy fall in love. So when you're just in your head and you're stressed out and you're thinking you're anxious, you're in your head, you are not in your body. You may think you're in your body because you're anxious, you're not. You're in um, you're if you're if you're stressed out, if you're overthinking or if you're depressed or you're feeling scared or nervous, you are in your head. And if you're in your head, you're not in your heart. And if you're not in your heart, he's not open able to open his, which means he's not bonding with you, which means there's no vasopressin building, which means receptors aren't seeds aren't being planted, and he's not gonna go up that staircase with time, and he's not gonna fall in love. So if you're in your head and you're nervous and you're scared, get back in your body, relax. One of the tips I have with for women is when you're on a date and you're feeling a little nervous and you're thinking, you're overthinking, and just like take a deep breath. Try not to let him see you do it, um, and um touch something. If you have a wine glass, touch the wine glass, get physical, um, look at something, look at scan real quick and count five things that are around you, okay? Chair, car, um, bar stool, bottles of of wine, um, nice waitress, okay, menus, plates. It gets you back down and and helps you see something sensoral. Um, and and if you can touch your fork, if you can touch the napkin, if you can touch your leg, not in a nervous way, trying to have him help um have him see that you're doing this. But just rub the wine glass or touch the wine glass, and that'll get you back in your body and it'll calm you down a little bit, okay? Because if you're in your head and you're overthinking, you're not in your heart. If you're not in your heart, it's you're not gonna be able to touch his and open his, okay. Um, where are we? So, yeah, experiences. Experiences together are what will bond you guys together. New things, fun things, great things, right? In conversation with it. Um, feminine women are in their bodies, they're not in their heads, they're focused on their feelings, they're opening their heart with a man in order to get to know him. Um, actually, they do this with everyone they're with. They're very focused on connecting and not attaching. Um, you can't know someone until you're you're um out of your head and in your heart. And they can't connect with you until they're out of their head and in their heart. And one of the ways that you guys can get in your heart is um and connect with somebody is by telling stories, telling a really cool story. Um, one fun way of doing it, um, if you're dating him and you guys have known each other a while, and let's say for some reason you're um you're driving or you guys are in a neighborhood you know, or he's driving, and you can tell him, um, can I show you something? And he'll say, Yeah, and you'll say, make it right here, and take him somewhere that you had an experience at as a childhood, as a child, or maybe in the past, something that like let's say there's a a restaurant that you went to um the day that you graduated from college, or the day that you got a big phone call that really changed your life. Maybe it was something like your father died, or um, you found out that your marriage was over, or just something significant that was difficult for you, um, or that was really great for you, or that was a challenge for you, and that and you can share a moment, take him there, share the story, um, and just share that with him. And um, this is something that one will surprise him. It creates a pattern interrupt, it really surprises him, and it opens up your heart to share something, and then he can learn something about you, and this bonds you guys together when he shares when you share things like this with him, and it can create an opportunity for him to bond with you, and you could see how he reacts to things like this. This lets you see what kind of a man you are, he is. Is he um supportive? Is he encouraging, or is he just like, that's dumb, or you know, just see how he reacts. You know, you want to see a man that's gonna hold space for you, that's going to listen, that's going to um help you see, you want to know that he heard you and that he understood you. Notice how he reacts to it. But when you open your heart like that, this opens up his. And this is how when you're having experiences together, you guys can share things like this. Open, you're open to his, your heart, you're opening his. It's a really great way to bond. And hopefully, what sometimes what it encourages is him to share a story about him. And and then you can get to know him a little bit. Again, opens up your heart. It's like you guys went through like a stressful experience together because it's kind of nerve-wracking, and it helps you guys bond because you guys overcame it and you guys felt better. And it's like, ready for dinner? Let's go get or let's go get dessert now, right? Or something. And and you guys have a good time together after you guys got over that difficult situation, a way to connect with him, okay? Um, this doesn't mean you're giving him your heart and your love, right, or your emotions. This doesn't mean you're loving him. Um, this doesn't mean that you're sharing all your deepest and darkest secrets with him right away. Um, it's about being open to connect with him so that you can learn about him and he can learn about you. He needs to know who you are in order for him to know if he likes you. You always want to be being yourself, right? You always want to dress the way you want to dress. Look the way you want to look, not what you think he wants. Be yourself because you want someone who likes yourself, right? You want someone who likes the way you dress, the way you um talk, the food that you like. It's like you don't have to have all the interest, but you want to always be yourself. Because if he likes you who you are, and he's like, you're so fun, you're like, this is where I naturally am, and he really likes that. You'll know that he really likes you and not a fake version of you, right? Not the person you that your other dating coach told you that you should be. Be yourself. Um, it's about being open to connect with him so that you can learn about him. When you're honest, open, and transparent, he will be able to do this with you as well. Okay. Um, ask questions out of genuine curiosity, learn and understand him. Um, one way to do this is about sharing information about yourself. I just gave that example. And when he shares things with you, notice if you feel like judging him. Notice if you feel like changing him and you're like, oh, I don't like that about him. Just notice. You're in the qualifying stage here. This is the time where you're learning if you want him to go up those stairs, if you're gonna let him come up. You can always tell him, nope, can't come up, closing the door, you're not, I'm not available, right? There's there's times I've been on two, three dates with somebody, and I remember on the third date, I was like, there's no way I could ever spend another date with this guy. I was done. And and the next day I text him and let him know, like, it's been great getting to know you. I don't think we're aligned. I think you're so great. I wish you the best. Um, maybe, you know, if I wanted to be friends with him, I didn't. Um, but we were in the same, like, we knew some of the same people. And so I I obviously didn't want um any awkwardness moving forward, but I was like, I hope if I see you again in the future, we can still be friends. And he's text me a couple times, probably wanting to another chance, but he's just not somebody that's I'm aligned with at all. He had really negative beliefs about um faith and doubted God in somebody and my I can't be with someone like that. So um after that date, I was like, no more. And I let him know. And I told him it was because our spiritual beliefs were just not aligned and and that wouldn't work. So um get your this is the qualifying stage. You're you're trying to connect, you're working to connect with him, you're having experiences with him, you want to open your heart, you want him to open his. You guys want to have fun together, right? You still want him coming after you, you want to go deep with him, right? But in order for him to go down deep and you guys bond, he needs to go up the stairs and challenge. Um, but um, but you at any point get to decide whether he if he's not if he's not qualified, right? Lo FICO, like let's say the the lone is scenario, right? The example. He may have um a really bad joking habit, you know, and you're like, uh I won't be with someone like that, right? You may see that um he's really um you don't like the way he dresses, you don't like his hobbies, you don't like his interests, you don't like the way he speaks, you don't like his family, you don't like, I don't know, let's say there's a bunch of stuff, and you get to decide if that's the guy that you want to be with in the future. One of the things that I've think is um a good um measure is I think is is this somebody that I would be totally friends with if we weren't romantically inclined and that I would feel safe to bring around my daughters because he's that he's that great of a guy. That's a factor that I I want I want to be friends with my with my boyfriend first. I want to be able to see that I would I would be friends with him, that I would even I would call him for advice. Because let's be honest, ladies, we need to be supported by our husbands and our boyfriends. Your husband needs to be your boyfriend first. And if you um when you guys are dating and it's moving forward and you guys are connecting with him, you're getting that emotional connection, you want to know that um uh you have that foundational respect for him and honor for him. Remember, men want to be respected, we want to be loved. If you don't respect him and trust him, like to go to him for advice, to go to him for counsel for on something, to go for him to help you fix something, um, to just go to him for to answer a question or just anything like that. Um, if you would not bring him around, if you're a single mom, like I'm a single mom, I have three daughters, if I'm if he's not somebody that would, that I as a I see him like, could he be my friend to the point where if he was a friend, I would be a male friend, I would literally bring him around my daughters. If I won't, if he's not, I will not move forward with him in a relationship. I need a man like that, that I would be so proud, like he could, he would be such a great stepdad eventually, right? That's a that's my factor. And if you and if you don't have kids, is this somebody that you would bring around your family, right? How what would your parents say? Another measure that I use is if I had a son and he turned out just like him, would I be proud of him? That's another way for me to like choose a guy or see if he's on track. If it's somebody that I'm working, I I think I would want to be with in a relationship. If he's not somebody that I would be proud to call my man, or like if my son turned out just like my husband, that's a problem. If I don't, if you don't like that, if you wouldn't want a son like him, then why would you want a husband like him? Why would you want a boyfriend like him? Don't settle. Do not settle, ladies. You are qualifying. You get to say no, deny him for the loan, or you get to say yes. You're the chooser, right? So this phase in the relationship is about connecting and going deep, right? Going below the surface. The way that you're doing this is by get challenging him, getting him up that staircase, right? He needs to give time, effort, and meet your standards. He needs and he needs to spend time with you. Oh, let's talk about creating space. Okay, perfect. So now we've gotten to that. And the way you the way we do this, we get him to keep coming back, right? If the first one is him coming towards you and connecting with you, the way to get him to keep coming back is he still has interest. He still has attraction. He still um um has testosterone and dopamine when you guys are hanging out, dopamine hit, dopamine hit. Everything that you guys are, a lot of things that you guys are doing, it just feels good. It's like it's like a little bit of an addiction, right? That's like part of falling in love with somebody. Um, you're you want to be there. You want that dopamine hit again. You want to go near him. He needs to want, if he doesn't want to go near you, he's not gonna call you and text you to ask if you're on a date. So he needs dopamine and he needs testosterone to come back, okay? The way we do that is by creating curiosity, interest, attraction, right? Um, and then the next one that we're creating in this phase that's really important is anticipation and empowerment. So the way you're gonna be build anticipation, but meaning, oh, like he wants you, he's like anticipating you, like you can't wait. The way that you're doing this is by creating space. So we definitely have that space like in your mind, right? And this the staircase. But there's five ways of creating space, and I'm gonna teach you that in the next video in this lesson, and I'll see you in this next video.